life/random..

life is surprising. it comes at you with high speeds and it doesnt slow down for anyone. the people you thought you knew best turn out to be the ones you barely know at all. i feel that as we get older, we grow apart from the ones were closest to. i also feel that when we grow apart, we're pushed into someone else. and that someone else could be the one person that changes everything. thats what i like to hope for at least. when i lose a close friend due to someone else, i can only hope that its worth it in the end. sometimes the hardest things in life are the things that make us stronger people. i think its funny that there are people who are SO afraid of what others think of them that they literally play 2 completely different people. i see one side, they see the other. no one should have to "cover up" who they are. being who you are is worth it. whether or not someone accepts you, thats not what matters. do you accept yourself? cause no one else's opionion matters. i realize ive kinda drifted into 2 different things in this blog, but thats okay.

Self Absorbed

Why do people let other people control them? Seriously. I dont know how much more i can take. Im constantly disappointed with some of the decisions that the people around me make. I know i make bad decisions too, but not once have i ever thrown a friendship down the drain for a guy. Who are you to tell me i dont know what im talking about? i think i know plenty considering the fact that ever since you started dating your dumbass boyfriend, we NEVER hang out. i dont understand what is so hard about pulling your head out of his ass for an hour out of one day. Just one. face the facts and realize you arent going to be with him forever. its naive of you to think so. youre nothing but a liar. you lie to me all the time, and apparently everything you said was a lie. you contradicted yourself in a matter of two days. youre disappointing and youre two faced. keep telling yourself hes nto controling you. maybe eventually youll believe it while everyone else has KNOWN it. i was the one there for you through everything. i kept your secrets and was there for you in your darkest times. i was there when he wasnt because thats what best friends are supposed to do. i guess we see who the real friend is. thanks.

i miss you

i sit here, crying. i hate thinking that youre not coming back. today felt empty. i felt empty. knowing you werent there to make me smile, to brighten my day. i missed your smile and your sloppy wave to me in the halls. i keep thinking youre just joking and that youll come back to me. i keep hoping im in a dream and somehow ill wake up. somehow, youll wake me up. i hope for the impossible and i want what i cant have. whats even worse is that you cant have life anymore. you dont have a life anymore. but you do still have me. you have all your friends, your family, and everyone who knew you. we will not let you be forgotten Luigi. It just wont happen. I love you. I'll keep your spirit alive. And even though youre gone and we all have to live with it, i really dont think i'll ever be the same. i wish i had said these words to you. i wish you had the chance to hear what im feeling. i'll come visit you at your grave, ill talk to you. and i wont let you be alone.
Sleep tight buddy. <3

my tears, they fall for you.
i remember every second we spent together,
and i cherish it. i cherish it forever.

This is it

I woke up this morning thinking everything was a dream. Disappointment set in when i realized it is my reality. I still don't know how to react. Im stunned; like a deer caught in headlights. All i know is that he's gone. He didnt deserve this. He deserves a life. So why isnt he here?

To Luigi

Death is something that impacts peoples lives everyday. The acceptance of losing someone close to you is difficult. Today, I lost someone incredible. Luigi. I dont think my words can even describe the kind of person he was. He impacted so many peoples lives with his personality. He was so fun to be around. I'm still trying to understand his death, myself. I dont know what to think or what to say. Just thinking of him causes me to cry but not because hes gone. Im crying because i wont be able to hear his voice again. I wont take him home from school anymore. He wont wave at me, talk to me and i wont see him anymore. It tears me apart because he didnt deserve to die. No one deserves to die. Its only a part of life, i just wish it didnt have to come so soon. Throughout this process, ive realized that life is something so fragile. It can be gone in only a second. I look back and only wish i could have said something. I wonder if I could have changed the outcome of his life. I wanted to impact his life as much as he impacted mine. No matter how shitty his day would be going, hed always bring light into mine. He brought light into everyones day. When i was woken up by sirens this morning i didnt even think it could have been someone i knew. It saddens me a lot to know that those firetrucks were going to his house. I can only hope his death was peaceful. I wish he knew how much everyone loves him and how much we are going to miss him. If only we had a chance to say the words he deserved to hear. All the words that we post on his facebook and our statuses now that he is gone should have been told to him. Its never too late though. At least that is what i tell myself. I dont think it is too late to tell the ones around you how you feel. Its up to us to share our feelings because we dont know when the end comes for another person. Life is special. I hope everyone can understand that before its too late. So say the words youve been wanting to say. Share your love with everyone around you. i love you Luigi. You will forever be with me. RIP.

Annoyed

Go ahead and walk your sloppy ass into your first class on a monday morning complaining about how much you drank. Keep talking about how many shots you took and how the cops got called. No one really gives a shit...

I get too annoyed when i hear people talking about how much they drank this weekend and how they got trashed. Please... just shut up and save yourself the embarrassment. It doesnt make you cool because you drink and no one wants to hear about it.

Control

So you think you have the right to control someone just because you love them? You think you have the right to dictate the things they can and cant do? Correction, my friend: You dont. LOVE IS NOT ABOUT CONTROLLING WHO YOURE WITH. ITS ABOUT BEING HAPPY WITH THE ONE YOUR WITH. So back the fuck off. I really hate when boyfriends think they can control their girlfriends. Being in love with someone gives you no "rights" at all. No right to control, demand, dictate, or whatever it is they think they can do. Someone very close to me had all of these future plans with her boyfriend. What happened when they broke up? OH.. YEAH. It all fell apart around her. I dont want to watch that happen to anyone else. Whether its college, friends, or some other stupid shit that they think they control, i just get easily annoyed with their stupidity. Being in a relationship means being happy, right? So shouldnt the boyfriend/girlfriend be happy with the things that their significant other wants to do with their life? Personally, i think they should. ITS NOT YOUR LIFE. AND NO ONE HAS CONTROL OVER ANOTHER'S LIFE EXCEPT FOR THAT PERSON. We spend our lives learning lessons but we cant spend our lives waiting around for someone who we dont even know things will work with. THINKING is NOT KNOWING. We dont know if it will be worth it. Going away to college doesnt mean being a l o n e. But here are things it does mean:
--- A CHANCE AT SOMETHING, making new friends, starting FRESH, its a change, being away from everything you know, a new environment, learn something new, independence!!!!, a new life---
Just because you want to go away to college doesnt mean you lose everything you know and have known. It just means you learn NEW things. youll learn more lessons in life. You only really get one shot at college/career/ and a future. But youll get more than one shot at love.
<3