i miss you

i sit here, crying. i hate thinking that youre not coming back. today felt empty. i felt empty. knowing you werent there to make me smile, to brighten my day. i missed your smile and your sloppy wave to me in the halls. i keep thinking youre just joking and that youll come back to me. i keep hoping im in a dream and somehow ill wake up. somehow, youll wake me up. i hope for the impossible and i want what i cant have. whats even worse is that you cant have life anymore. you dont have a life anymore. but you do still have me. you have all your friends, your family, and everyone who knew you. we will not let you be forgotten Luigi. It just wont happen. I love you. I'll keep your spirit alive. And even though youre gone and we all have to live with it, i really dont think i'll ever be the same. i wish i had said these words to you. i wish you had the chance to hear what im feeling. i'll come visit you at your grave, ill talk to you. and i wont let you be alone.
Sleep tight buddy. <3

my tears, they fall for you.
i remember every second we spent together,
and i cherish it. i cherish it forever.

This is it

I woke up this morning thinking everything was a dream. Disappointment set in when i realized it is my reality. I still don't know how to react. Im stunned; like a deer caught in headlights. All i know is that he's gone. He didnt deserve this. He deserves a life. So why isnt he here?

To Luigi

Death is something that impacts peoples lives everyday. The acceptance of losing someone close to you is difficult. Today, I lost someone incredible. Luigi. I dont think my words can even describe the kind of person he was. He impacted so many peoples lives with his personality. He was so fun to be around. I'm still trying to understand his death, myself. I dont know what to think or what to say. Just thinking of him causes me to cry but not because hes gone. Im crying because i wont be able to hear his voice again. I wont take him home from school anymore. He wont wave at me, talk to me and i wont see him anymore. It tears me apart because he didnt deserve to die. No one deserves to die. Its only a part of life, i just wish it didnt have to come so soon. Throughout this process, ive realized that life is something so fragile. It can be gone in only a second. I look back and only wish i could have said something. I wonder if I could have changed the outcome of his life. I wanted to impact his life as much as he impacted mine. No matter how shitty his day would be going, hed always bring light into mine. He brought light into everyones day. When i was woken up by sirens this morning i didnt even think it could have been someone i knew. It saddens me a lot to know that those firetrucks were going to his house. I can only hope his death was peaceful. I wish he knew how much everyone loves him and how much we are going to miss him. If only we had a chance to say the words he deserved to hear. All the words that we post on his facebook and our statuses now that he is gone should have been told to him. Its never too late though. At least that is what i tell myself. I dont think it is too late to tell the ones around you how you feel. Its up to us to share our feelings because we dont know when the end comes for another person. Life is special. I hope everyone can understand that before its too late. So say the words youve been wanting to say. Share your love with everyone around you. i love you Luigi. You will forever be with me. RIP.

Annoyed

Go ahead and walk your sloppy ass into your first class on a monday morning complaining about how much you drank. Keep talking about how many shots you took and how the cops got called. No one really gives a shit...

I get too annoyed when i hear people talking about how much they drank this weekend and how they got trashed. Please... just shut up and save yourself the embarrassment. It doesnt make you cool because you drink and no one wants to hear about it.

Control

So you think you have the right to control someone just because you love them? You think you have the right to dictate the things they can and cant do? Correction, my friend: You dont. LOVE IS NOT ABOUT CONTROLLING WHO YOURE WITH. ITS ABOUT BEING HAPPY WITH THE ONE YOUR WITH. So back the fuck off. I really hate when boyfriends think they can control their girlfriends. Being in love with someone gives you no "rights" at all. No right to control, demand, dictate, or whatever it is they think they can do. Someone very close to me had all of these future plans with her boyfriend. What happened when they broke up? OH.. YEAH. It all fell apart around her. I dont want to watch that happen to anyone else. Whether its college, friends, or some other stupid shit that they think they control, i just get easily annoyed with their stupidity. Being in a relationship means being happy, right? So shouldnt the boyfriend/girlfriend be happy with the things that their significant other wants to do with their life? Personally, i think they should. ITS NOT YOUR LIFE. AND NO ONE HAS CONTROL OVER ANOTHER'S LIFE EXCEPT FOR THAT PERSON. We spend our lives learning lessons but we cant spend our lives waiting around for someone who we dont even know things will work with. THINKING is NOT KNOWING. We dont know if it will be worth it. Going away to college doesnt mean being a l o n e. But here are things it does mean:
--- A CHANCE AT SOMETHING, making new friends, starting FRESH, its a change, being away from everything you know, a new environment, learn something new, independence!!!!, a new life---
Just because you want to go away to college doesnt mean you lose everything you know and have known. It just means you learn NEW things. youll learn more lessons in life. You only really get one shot at college/career/ and a future. But youll get more than one shot at love.
<3

Pathetic

People who cant fight for themselves. I have a lot to say to you. If youre going to start drama, dont get your bigger, badder friend whos more of a man than you are to stand up for you. Stand up for yourself. I do my best not to fight with anyone and stay out of drama but when people immaturely walk up to me in school and make grunting noises, I can't help but laugh. The immaturity of the people around me truly blows my mind. I'm surrounded by 5 year olds. Whats even worse is when people try and stir the pot over Facebook. WHO CARES? I know i'm blogging about it right now and it seems like I care, but I really just want to get my opinion across. What I really care about is making sure the people who try and bully me don't bully anyone else. I'm not going to lie, there are times where it has really gotten to me, but over time, I realize that THEY are the ones that look dumb, not me. I try and be the bigger person but sometimes it really just isnt possible. There are times where I just want to scream in their face, but I know if I do that then they will think they win. False. They don't win. They lose. They lose because they have nothing better to do with their time but make other people feel bad because they dont have the self confidence they want. They can think they are winning this little game of confidence but really, they just make themselves looks stupid and everyone else notices it along the way. Newsflash: Game over.

Words

So lately i've realized that our words are the most powerful things we have. If we dont use them the right way, we can really hurt someone. I never realized the extent of my words until recently. Sometimes its too late to take back the pain they cause, but its never too late to be sorry for them. I believe that everyone messes up, and we mess up a lot. i cant think of a person in my life who has not screwed up once.. we have to learn, as humans, to forgive people. you have to learn to forgive because youre not perfect either. being hardheaded is sometimes a good quality, but youre an even better person if you learn to just move on. It bothers me when people don't forgive the ones that have hurt them because it's almost like they are saying that they arent worth forgiveness. To look at it in a more religious aspect, everyone is forgiven. But in order to be forgiven, you must confess. So i'm confessing that my words have hurt other people. I'm not afraid to admit what is true, and not once did i even deny it. It's something i've had to learn to do, but now I watch the things that i say because i've been hurt by peoples words before. Sometimes it was by the people that mean most to me, but i know how to forgive. That leads me one step closer to being a better person in this already harsh world. We dont have forever to say the things we want to say, so this is your chance. This is everyone's chance. Right now.