Thursday, June 23, 2011
let me ask
what benefit do you get from bringing other people down? just because youre unhappy with your life doesnt give you the right to make other people unhappy too.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Its Been A While
at the moment, my life is everything i have been hoping for. im happy and looking forward to the future. scared, of course, but i cant do much about that. life is amazing and i am thankful to be where i am today. i graduate in 2 weeks... its such a scary thought but i know i have so much ahead of me. a few weeks ago at work, i was talking to a very old woman and she was telling me about her life and how amazing it had been. as i said goodbye to her, she told me to "have a wonderful life". I had never been told something like that before in such a serious, yet, cheerful tone. it was something i thought about for a while. i was trying to understand her. i know it seems like something minor, but it ran through my mind for days.
the words that she had said to me were so shocking and it definitely caught me off guard. i didnt know what to think. those few words that she said to me will forever be with me because of the way they hit me. it made me think about life and how long it is. i want to do the things that i want before its too late. i dont want to regret not doing anything. anyway, my life is at an incredible point right now and i can only hope it stays this way :)
the words that she had said to me were so shocking and it definitely caught me off guard. i didnt know what to think. those few words that she said to me will forever be with me because of the way they hit me. it made me think about life and how long it is. i want to do the things that i want before its too late. i dont want to regret not doing anything. anyway, my life is at an incredible point right now and i can only hope it stays this way :)
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Just Saying
Its funny how the things you thought you needed most evolve to nothing.
The things i felt like nothing without are forgotten and the people that meant the most to me are nothing to me now. The ones that let me down are the ones that arent worth my time anymore. you meet new people and time goes on. i forgive too easily. carrying a burden of anger is only a waste of my energy. theres only one exception to forgiveness that i have and he knows who he is.. (rot in hell, bastard ;)) life is full of lessons. sometimes we dont bother trying to understand it but other times it can be the greatest thing. it just depends on how well you work with what youre given.
The things i felt like nothing without are forgotten and the people that meant the most to me are nothing to me now. The ones that let me down are the ones that arent worth my time anymore. you meet new people and time goes on. i forgive too easily. carrying a burden of anger is only a waste of my energy. theres only one exception to forgiveness that i have and he knows who he is.. (rot in hell, bastard ;)) life is full of lessons. sometimes we dont bother trying to understand it but other times it can be the greatest thing. it just depends on how well you work with what youre given.
Friday, April 22, 2011
my speaking heart
Its been what feels like forever, and i still cant get you off my mind. i try to hide it but i really cant anymore. i know youre fine with the way this turned out and thats what makes it so much worse. im tired of pretending im okay with the ending. to be honest, i dont care if you know how i really feel now. i always thought it was better for me to just keep to myself, but im not concerned with that anymore. maybe it will heal me. maybe it wont. i still dont know what went wrong. you tell me different reasons, but none of them seem logical to me. theres always a way around the problems we are faced. how will you ever know if you dont try? what if everything you have ever wanted is standing right in front of you? you wont know until you just TRY. thats all it takes. but if youre too scared, then you will never end up with the things you want in your life. i just want you to know that not a day goes by that i dont think about you. theres always something that reminds me of you. i have this permanent knot in my stomach that i wish would go away. i wish for a lot, ya know. there is something about you that i havent seen in anyone else, and it scares me to think that i wont find that again. I took a chance with you and no, i dont regret it, i just wish i hadnt had so much faith in something so unpredictable. I wish you hadn't said some of the things you did because it only made me feel more for you. it was nice at the time, but when you let me down, i literally felt my heart and my stomach sink inside of me. i almost WANT you to tell me you dont want me. i want you to make me not want you. i want to forget you. but i just cant. it might make this feeling a little less annoying. just know that wherever you are, youre a thought in my mind...and im still wishing i had you.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
To A Friend:
This one's for you.
mistakes are made. words are said. are they meant? are they worth the pain you cause another person?
If i could pick one thing that I've learned throughout high school and my current course of life, I'd say that words are powerful. The way we say them, who we say them to, and the specific words we choose to use. I've made plenty of mistakes and I am not afraid to admit that. I think about my life everyday. I remember the decisions I have made and the way that I have treated other people. I KNOW that I haven't been the best friend I could have been and I know I have used words that could have been replaced with other ones. I just finished reading a book that very frequently used the term "R & R". It means "rephrase and repeat". I definitely could have done that many times by now. Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say in this specific blog is that I know what I have done. I know that I have been a bad friend at times but that never meant that I didn't care. I'm not afraid to admit to the wrongs in my life. It's much easier that way. I've been in an argument, disagreement, whatever you want to call it with a friend of mine. I considered her one of my best friends. She did put forth the effort whenever we hung out. I didn't. I think my problem was that I never knew how much of a difference it made if just once I had been the one to make the effort. After me and my best friend of 11 or so years stopped being friends, it was nice to have that one friend that I could tell anything to. That is exactly what this girl was. She was always there for me to make me laugh and cheer me up. I could tell her anything I wanted and she'd keep it locked in the depths of her soul. I thank her for that. I hope she has read this far because I want her to know just how much I value/d her friendship. I never wanted to let her down. But I did. I've let a lot of people down. And I apologize for that. I'm in no way perfect and I am so very far from it. I want to start over. Here is to a new beginning. A new me. It's never too late to make a change in your life. So this is mine.
-Taylor
mistakes are made. words are said. are they meant? are they worth the pain you cause another person?
If i could pick one thing that I've learned throughout high school and my current course of life, I'd say that words are powerful. The way we say them, who we say them to, and the specific words we choose to use. I've made plenty of mistakes and I am not afraid to admit that. I think about my life everyday. I remember the decisions I have made and the way that I have treated other people. I KNOW that I haven't been the best friend I could have been and I know I have used words that could have been replaced with other ones. I just finished reading a book that very frequently used the term "R & R". It means "rephrase and repeat". I definitely could have done that many times by now. Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say in this specific blog is that I know what I have done. I know that I have been a bad friend at times but that never meant that I didn't care. I'm not afraid to admit to the wrongs in my life. It's much easier that way. I've been in an argument, disagreement, whatever you want to call it with a friend of mine. I considered her one of my best friends. She did put forth the effort whenever we hung out. I didn't. I think my problem was that I never knew how much of a difference it made if just once I had been the one to make the effort. After me and my best friend of 11 or so years stopped being friends, it was nice to have that one friend that I could tell anything to. That is exactly what this girl was. She was always there for me to make me laugh and cheer me up. I could tell her anything I wanted and she'd keep it locked in the depths of her soul. I thank her for that. I hope she has read this far because I want her to know just how much I value/d her friendship. I never wanted to let her down. But I did. I've let a lot of people down. And I apologize for that. I'm in no way perfect and I am so very far from it. I want to start over. Here is to a new beginning. A new me. It's never too late to make a change in your life. So this is mine.
-Taylor
Monday, April 18, 2011
Time
Now that im about to graduate ive come to realize so many different things. The people i knew as my "best friends" turn out to be totally different than i thought. Or maybe I was different than i thought. I came into high school with so many friends and a group of really close friends.. and sadly enough, im leaving with barely any. I dont have a best friend anymore. People have moved on and foward with their lives and for some reason i still feel stuck in the same place. We are all about to start our lives as adults, but few of these people are actually acting like adults. Theres still drama, liars, back stabbers, and that onee group of people that still talk shit. according to my dad, it continues all throughout life. wonderful... im just thankful for the friends WHO HAVE stuck by me even when ive screwed up. im thankful for the people ive met along this journey, the guys who have only made me stronger, and of course my family. i can always count on them. life will pass me by, and so will time. but that doesnt take away from anything ive learned so far. i have so much more to learn and im not gonna wait around anymore for things to happen. im just gonna keep living this life i have and im gonna enjoy it, like im supposed to. peace out :)
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Truthfully..
this one is kind of personal.. but go ahead and read.
I was thinking about a lot in creative writing:
When i think about life, and i mean really think, i see how fast my life has changed. I see the things I've lost and even some things that i have gained. I guess Ive started to realize that my decisions impact my life a lot. I cant keep trying to hold on to the things that i have no control over. I wait around, hoping for a happy ending. Hoping for my happy ending. I feel like there's always something wrong; like i have to fix something about myself. I'm not even sure what i mean by the word "fix". i just feel that way. ANYWAY. Ive made plenty of choices that have impacted my life in dramatic ways. Ive done things i regret more than i ever thought possible. Everyday i wish there was some way to rid of that feeling, but there isn't. There is no way to get rid of this feeling i have. I mean, there are things that help me conceal the feeling, but that's only temporary. Nothing can get rid of the truth behind it though. truth. something many people avoid. I know in my past blogs I've mentioned it. I've always complained about people lying to me or people avoiding the truth. but in all honesty, i think the truth is scary. It lies in the decisions i make. its in the consequences of my decisions. its behind my regret. its the reason i feel the way i do sometimes. truth is the reason why people are scared. we're afraid of being hurt by peoples words, because the truth does hurt. its like a punch. it hits you hard, and leaves you without words. the truth is powerful and its what we need. it makes things much easier if you just accept it. it usually sucks. but it makes you or breaks you. i like to look at it as getting stronger. Ive been in a few relationships that really ended up hurting me when they ended. the truth that hit me, the reality, ended up being the reason for the feelings that fell upon me. we all know what its like. "that" feeling. its difficult to describe. it almost feels like a knot in your stomach. i forget to breathe, until of course my lungs catch of to my mind. luckily, that feeling does fade. you learn to live without that thing/person. you fill that hole with things that make you happy. when you meet someone new who proves that everything you thought you knew, is totally different, that feeling is more sentimental than anything. don't let go of it.
I was thinking about a lot in creative writing:
When i think about life, and i mean really think, i see how fast my life has changed. I see the things I've lost and even some things that i have gained. I guess Ive started to realize that my decisions impact my life a lot. I cant keep trying to hold on to the things that i have no control over. I wait around, hoping for a happy ending. Hoping for my happy ending. I feel like there's always something wrong; like i have to fix something about myself. I'm not even sure what i mean by the word "fix". i just feel that way. ANYWAY. Ive made plenty of choices that have impacted my life in dramatic ways. Ive done things i regret more than i ever thought possible. Everyday i wish there was some way to rid of that feeling, but there isn't. There is no way to get rid of this feeling i have. I mean, there are things that help me conceal the feeling, but that's only temporary. Nothing can get rid of the truth behind it though. truth. something many people avoid. I know in my past blogs I've mentioned it. I've always complained about people lying to me or people avoiding the truth. but in all honesty, i think the truth is scary. It lies in the decisions i make. its in the consequences of my decisions. its behind my regret. its the reason i feel the way i do sometimes. truth is the reason why people are scared. we're afraid of being hurt by peoples words, because the truth does hurt. its like a punch. it hits you hard, and leaves you without words. the truth is powerful and its what we need. it makes things much easier if you just accept it. it usually sucks. but it makes you or breaks you. i like to look at it as getting stronger. Ive been in a few relationships that really ended up hurting me when they ended. the truth that hit me, the reality, ended up being the reason for the feelings that fell upon me. we all know what its like. "that" feeling. its difficult to describe. it almost feels like a knot in your stomach. i forget to breathe, until of course my lungs catch of to my mind. luckily, that feeling does fade. you learn to live without that thing/person. you fill that hole with things that make you happy. when you meet someone new who proves that everything you thought you knew, is totally different, that feeling is more sentimental than anything. don't let go of it.
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