Truthfully..

this one is kind of personal.. but go ahead and read.
I was thinking about a lot in creative writing:

When i think about life, and i mean really think, i see how fast my life has changed. I see the things I've lost and even some things that i have gained. I guess Ive started to realize that my decisions impact my life a lot. I cant keep trying to hold on to the things that i have no control over. I wait around, hoping for a happy ending. Hoping for my happy ending. I feel like there's always something wrong; like i have to fix something about myself. I'm not even sure what i mean by the word "fix". i just feel that way. ANYWAY. Ive made plenty of choices that have impacted my life in dramatic ways. Ive done things i regret more than i ever thought possible. Everyday i wish there was some way to rid of that feeling, but there isn't. There is no way to get rid of this feeling i have. I mean, there are things that help me conceal the feeling, but that's only temporary. Nothing can get rid of the truth behind it though. truth. something many people avoid. I know in my past blogs I've mentioned it. I've always complained about people lying to me or people avoiding the truth. but in all honesty, i think the truth is scary. It lies in the decisions i make. its in the consequences of my decisions. its behind my regret. its the reason i feel the way i do sometimes. truth is the reason why people are scared. we're afraid of being hurt by peoples words, because the truth does hurt. its like a punch. it hits you hard, and leaves you without words. the truth is powerful and its what we need. it makes things much easier if you just accept it. it usually sucks. but it makes you or breaks you. i like to look at it as getting stronger. Ive been in a few relationships that really ended up hurting me when they ended. the truth that hit me, the reality, ended up being the reason for the feelings that fell upon me. we all know what its like. "that" feeling. its difficult to describe. it almost feels like a knot in your stomach. i forget to breathe, until of course my lungs catch of to my mind. luckily, that feeling does fade. you learn to live without that thing/person. you fill that hole with things that make you happy. when you meet someone new who proves that everything you thought you knew, is totally different, that feeling is more sentimental than anything. don't let go of it.